A national movement to permanently remove the scourge of sexual harassment from our society and culture.

Contact us via email: ManifestDestinyPLS@gmail.com

What happens when we make judgements about something or someone?

Are judgements different from observations?

When we make an observation do we have to be right? Or is it just an observation?

When we make a judgement are we signaling that we may need to be right?

Is the need to be right the difference between making a judgement and making an observation?

When we experience an unwanted sexual advance, and we make a judgement about it, we are absolutely right. It's us who are being violated, it's us who are forced to make a response even thought it might only be to immediately escape the situation (run away).

So, it is extremely difficult to avoid making a judgement.

Unless we can begin to realize that in making a judgement—even when being absolutely right in doing so—we give our power away to the other person. (Do we sometimes have to choose between being right or being effective?)

How so?

Is the instigator of an unwanted sexual advance looking for a specific response?

Does he (usually a “he”) wish to signal that he has more power than you?

Physically?

He's usually bigger, stronger, can beat you up, etc. Or he has more power than you—or would like to think so—based on hierarchy or position. Maybe he's the boss. Maybe he has lots of money. Maybe he is recognized by society as being very accomplished in a valued or lucrative field or profession. So when we immediately respond to an unwanted sexual advance defensively (hurt, angry, uncomfortable, etc.), he gets what he wants. (His agenda—unless he really is a social and sexual retard (highly unlikely)—is to show off by putting you down. Witness the recent quoted comments from a very well-known political figure talking about how accrued power gives him license to get away with social and sexual misbehavior.) You have, in effect, given your power away to him. But what if you respond to him with no judgements…but an observation? Such as…

“What”?

“Didn't you learn about social constraints when you were a teenager? About the unspoken, unwritten 'rules of romance'? You are such an accomplished person—how could you have missed this learning experience?

But it's not too late. You could always start learning now. Want some help?” *

Does such a response give him any satisfaction?

Or does it put him up against the wall because it expresses a defect in his upbringing (sort of like he has a teenage brain in the area of sexuality)?

Does such a response give your power away?

Or does it immediately make you a more powerful person?

When we make judgements, we give our power away to others.

Make No Judgements is Principle #3 of the LANGUAGE OF POWER© (LOP).

In learning not to give your power away to others, you may also need to use Be Relentlessly Positive (#5), Ask Questions Don't Make Statements (#4) and Give Up The Need To Be Right (#8).

The LOP was originally designed to help parents with their defiant teenagers and public school educators dealing with teenage classroom disruptions. Because it teaches us how to not give our power away in difficult interactions, it can also be applied to inappropriate sexual behavior.

Imagine a national movement to train all potential victims of sexual transgressions to politely but firmly inquire of the instigator why he/she did not learn the cultural teachings of how to appropriately express the non-verbal biological force we all know as sexuality. We radically changed our cultural thinking about nicotine. Who's to say we can't do the same thing with sexual expression?

How do we take power away from established predators?

What if they were to run into a consistent repetitive response from would -be victims that they themselves are the victims? Of an appalling lack of awareness about how sexual expression works? And that they are social and sexual retards who are apparently suffering from arrested development and who never learned the Rules Of Romance as teenagers and young men? Would such men perhaps become gun shy after receiving such a message from two or three different women whom they probably view as being inferior to themselves?

In self-defense, there's nothing like hitting a person where it hurts most. I think its called ego.

Do I need to make judgements about stuff because it feeds my ego?

I'm right, you're wrong! Etc.

Could this be why making judgements (rather than observations) has become so difficult for me?

This is Sexuality Self Defense©.

Become a member of our SSD website ($25 semi annual dues). Help us explain to parents of defiant teenagers and public school educators in secondary school classrooms that these same concepts can also help them regain their power. For more, review the awesome book Join The Club: How Peer Pressure Can Transform The World.

Lets build a national, perhaps global, system of relentless peer pressure and destabilize the old order of male dominance.

When we are able to follow the LANGUAGE OF POWER© Principles (MAKE NO JUDGEMENTS, ASK QUESTIONS DON'T MAKE STATEMENTS and GIVE UP THE NEED TO BE RIGHT), we can indeed begin to change the world. (The Tina Rosenberg book).