The Authentic Expression Of Sexuality

For those who know, no explanation is necessary

For those who don't know, no explanation will suffice

Can we acknowledge the sexual attractiveness (to us) of another person with just a meaningful look and without further “intrusion”? (In other words —an instant exchange of non verbal communication that may or may not go further) Of course we can. Many if not most of us do it all the time. This is how sexual expression starts! This is how we signal someone else that we are—or may be—interested! And they may or may not respond. These are the “rules of romance”.  But it is all non-verbal! Try to conceptualize it, or capture it, or structure it with our left brain (like words!) and it immediately slips away. Sexuality, initially —is the ultimate expression of non verbal (right brain) behavior! Perhaps the ultimate challenge to all us humans is to integrate both of our brain hemispheres —to achieve a 50-50 balance in our behavior just as we were designed to do. Perhaps this is why sexuality is such a struggle for all of us.

A huge part of early- on sexual expression is that WE DON'T KNOW. We play the rules of romance game, but we don't know what the outcome will be. It's the dance of romance. Will he continue to be interested? Will she, or won't she? * Go watch some of the 1950s movie classics. The wedding ceremony back in the day was hugely significant because often the bride was leaving with the groom to permanently live somewhere else and didn't know when or whether she would ever be able to return “home”. Talk about a huge leap of faith! Did the Pony Express predate even the telegraph and the telephone? Extended family communications were significantly curtailed.

Has any perpetrator ever gone through such experiences? When we “cut to the chase” and exert male dominance (as a perp) have we deprived ourselves of authentic sexual experiences?

Many if not most perps seem to do what they do as a power trip. But for a very few of us, it may be about feeling sexually inadequate. Not looking good enough. No gift of gab. What's it like to be a male in a male dominated society where men are supposed to make the first move only we freeze in our tracks in the presence of attractive females? Could this be a possible individual rehabilitative pathway? The power trippers may be pretty much beyond the pale. But for the fearful ones, maybe there is hope. “When you don't know how to ask, when you can't bring yourself to talk, when you don't possess the language…that's when you can end up with crossed wires, missed signals, missed messages”—Jennifer Weiner, NYT 1-21-18)

But any way you cut it we're still dealing with sexual immaturity and arrested development! Which must be expressed as an observation, not a judgement. With no right/wrong agenda regardless of the actual facts. Unless you want to give your power away…

*Somewhere out there, when the rules were different, is a long time ago coed (remember the term?) who may recall sneaking out the back stairs window of a dormitory in a prominent midwestern university “after hours” to meet up with an amorous male student (a la She's Leaving Home by the Beatles)

"Hear no evil, speak no evil, see no evil."

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The Authentic Expression of Sexuality